Bummer - Getting Mugged

Brazil has much to commend it. People, opportunities, nature.

Public safety does not fall in this category. Living in São Paulo and the other big cities is becoming ever increasingly an adventure, and a little too exciting for comfort.

There I was late Friday morning taking a leisurely coffee and talking about our projects with my friend and co-author, Ricardo, in a very nice coffee bar and restaurant on Alameda Santos, right in front of BBS, the school where we are also both professors. It was warm, sunny and we sat outside in the first rank of tables under the awning so Ricardo could duck outside and have the occasional cigarette. (Bad, Ricardo, bad.)

Out of the blue comes along a young man dressed in a suit who starts yelling at me softly. At first, I didn't pay attention until I saw the size of Ricardo's eyes. Then I looked at the guy who at that moment racked the slide of his semi-automatic pistol and said, "Watch, quick" and a bunch of other stuff I didn't get until later. I took off my watch, gave it to him and he ran away. 15 seconds start to finish. Only wanted my watch, not Ricardo's fake watch.

Ricardo was shaking but I was still cool. And, strangely, not even really pissed off. You know it's going to happen. Faz parte. It's part of life here. Ricardo then told me that the guy had been saying to give him the watch quick or he would shoot. Don't react; don't do anything. But, I was so focused on the gun (a Targus, I think) that I didn't pay attention to the words. What I did notice was that he wasn't speaking as if it were something heartfelt, but that he was reading from a script. Probably was.

We learned from the waitress and owner of the coffee bar (who didn't charge us for the coffee and pão de queijo we had, many thanks) that a gang has been working the restaurants along Alameda Santos in this particular block, always attacking between 11:30 am and 1pm - lunch hour. The cops haven't done anything about it and have taken all their resources off Santos to go after a gang that has been working Avenida Paulista, just one block away. For those who don't know São Paulo, Paulista is the main banking street of all of South America and Al. Santos is its adjunct with many bank and financial services companies located on our street.

I'm certain that my mugger (the description recalls the great line in Steve Martin's LA Story movie--"I'll be your designated mugger this evening.") was working with a spotter, who was looking for swag to steal (the good watches instead of the phonies).

I only started to react to the mugging Friday night when we went to pick up our grandkids. They live near one of São Paulo's big universities and the streets around it are controlled during class hours by flanelinhas, the people who claim parking on stretches of public streets as their personal parking lots. Pay them or find your car scratched or damaged. When I stopped in front of the building and was approached by one of these shmucks, I wanted to a) get the hell out of there pronto or b) get out of the car to pound him. Fortunately, I did neither and we went to bring the kids to our apartment to spend the night with us.

When I bought the watch I lost in 2005, I said to myself at the time that it would just be a matter of time until someone stole it. Friday was the limit. The watch I bought the day I got my pilot's license I NEVER wear in São Paulo. I haven't even changed the battery in the last two years. I only use it when I go to the States or Europe.

This problem, I'm afraid, is not going away. In my 12 years here, it is one of the subjects that you hear a lot of bla-bla-bla from government, but little action that in fact will make the streets safer. The main drug gangs grow stronger and the state's security apparatus seems impotent to control them or protect the citizenry. The police forces of the country just held a conference in Brasilia in which they spent most of the time bitching about each other and decrying any attempt to undermine the privileges that each force feels it has. Feh on all their posturings.

You need to understand this post for what it is - a desabafo. A great Portuguese word which amounts to "getting something off your chest". It helps to move past things like this. But, mugging still leaves a bad taste in the mouth and should serve as a warning to all of you who plan on coming down here. By all means, come - but leave the good stuff at home.